I'm ba-a-a-ack . . .
You must have given up hope of ever hearing from me again. This is what happens when you fall in love . . . but I won't bore you with the details, although I could go on for weeks.
My beloved tells me he isn't a farmer, yet he owns a flock of sheep. He claims he doesn't have a clue about looking after them, that he employs someone else to do that. So how come I always seem to end up in a field full of sheep when I've supposedly come to see the man I love?
The other day, he had to check the sheep for disease (something to do with blow flies that I'd rather not go into). This time I was not alone. Mum and Dad were there. Mum and I stood in the field watching my beloved energetically running up the hill amongst the sheep.
And then I felt it. Something was crawling up my back. Instinctively, I knew it was not a sheep (it was too small, anyway). It was an insect and it stung me. Alarmed, I put my hand to the spot and felt the insect there beneath my dress. It stung me again.
Mum shouted to Dad to turn his back. She stood between me and my beloved's line of sight (for decency's sake) and ordered me to crouch down and strip to my underwear. When under attack I listen to my mother, so I did what she said. But the insect had fled.
"This is a nice dress," Mum said, holding it up to view. "Have I seen it before?"
"Yes," I hissed. "It was on me a moment ago and I would like to wear it again." Crouching in a field in my underwear is not something I do a lot. Reluctantly, Mum handed the dress back to me.
My beloved was totally unaware of my predicament. He sounded concerned when he discovered the drama and whisked us home in the car - and offered me ointment for burns. Sigh! Mum looked for vinegar, but he didn't have that either. Lots of grapefruit juice, tonic water, pizza and popcorn. But no vinegar. Until Mum spotted the pickled onions. She used that vinegar on the stings. It worked. It also kept Dad at a distance (he hates onions).
My life has taken a strange turn. First it was chickens and now it's sheep. I think I need to stay away from animals. Thank goodness I have no pets (unless you count the spiders in the corner of the living room).
My beloved tells me he isn't a farmer, yet he owns a flock of sheep. He claims he doesn't have a clue about looking after them, that he employs someone else to do that. So how come I always seem to end up in a field full of sheep when I've supposedly come to see the man I love?
The other day, he had to check the sheep for disease (something to do with blow flies that I'd rather not go into). This time I was not alone. Mum and Dad were there. Mum and I stood in the field watching my beloved energetically running up the hill amongst the sheep.
And then I felt it. Something was crawling up my back. Instinctively, I knew it was not a sheep (it was too small, anyway). It was an insect and it stung me. Alarmed, I put my hand to the spot and felt the insect there beneath my dress. It stung me again.
Mum shouted to Dad to turn his back. She stood between me and my beloved's line of sight (for decency's sake) and ordered me to crouch down and strip to my underwear. When under attack I listen to my mother, so I did what she said. But the insect had fled.
"This is a nice dress," Mum said, holding it up to view. "Have I seen it before?"
"Yes," I hissed. "It was on me a moment ago and I would like to wear it again." Crouching in a field in my underwear is not something I do a lot. Reluctantly, Mum handed the dress back to me.
My beloved was totally unaware of my predicament. He sounded concerned when he discovered the drama and whisked us home in the car - and offered me ointment for burns. Sigh! Mum looked for vinegar, but he didn't have that either. Lots of grapefruit juice, tonic water, pizza and popcorn. But no vinegar. Until Mum spotted the pickled onions. She used that vinegar on the stings. It worked. It also kept Dad at a distance (he hates onions).
My life has taken a strange turn. First it was chickens and now it's sheep. I think I need to stay away from animals. Thank goodness I have no pets (unless you count the spiders in the corner of the living room).
posted by Elaine | 7:06 pm
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